Cartoon enthusiasts will recall those harrowing scenes from Roadrunner where Wile E Coyote is blown to kingdom come only to reappear in one piece as if by magic moments later.

Such a transformation now seems uppermost in the minds of some of the defeated Conservative candidates to whom voters gave the push a week ago.

Word on the street is that the Tories are expecting a shed-load of resignations in the not too distant future – largely from the new UKIP contingent, which might let them stand again and claw their way back into power on Boston Borough Council.

Already it seems, plotters at the Tory base camp alpha have assembled a list of who gets first dibs on the first vacancy – but we’ll not spoil things by letting you in on the secret!

Meanwhile, the man who led the Tories to their ballot box defeat was calmly rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic.

On Monday’s BBC Radio Lincolnshire Breakfast Show Peter Bedford was described as the “Tory leader of the authority” and the “Leader of the Tories on Boston Borough Council.”  

To us this seemed a little previous – but if it was a slip of the tongue, then nothing was done to correct it.

Councillor Bedford is a droner – talking in a near monotone at a tedious, soporific pace which makes him sound almost as bored as his listeners doubtless were.

If local politics is unappealing, it is because of interviews such as this...

“.... as of yet we don't even know who the other group leaders are ...

“... we will do our best, we’ve delivered all our promises ...

“... hopefully the existing councillors which aren’t UKIP will support us ...”

Since the council is split equally between the Tories and UKIP, Bedford was asked whether joint working was the most democratic solution.

“... that depends who their leader is and on their thoughts, obviously ... I think there’s only one with any council experience at all of Boston...”

A novel idea, that – democracy dictated by who you like best rather than what the electorate prefers.

So … had there been discussions with Labour or the Independents?

“... one group, but not the other because we still haven’t been confirmed who is their group leader ...”

We think that you will have got the picture by now.

House of Cards it ain’t.

More like the Magic Roundabout.

***

What seemed clear at that early stage – and has subsequently become clearer –  is that as far as the Conservative group is concerned, determination to  retain the political status quo  and refurnish the cosy club that they have inhabited for years surpasses the demands of the electorate.

Never mind that almost as many people voted for UKIP as they did for the Conservatives, those electors seem unlikely to get their wish for a new look council, as the behind the scenes negotiations will strive to ensure that the newcomers will be as heavily stifled as possible.

Whilst the Tory players and others concerned presumably consider themselves politically adroit with such machinations, we understand that UKIP is adopting a far more rational, sensible and cautious approach – accepting that with so many inexperienced councillors there is a need to take things slowly as they learn the ropes.

What disappointed us most was the  Tory assumption that when voters say they want a cocktail of Conservative and UKIP input to Boston Borough Council, what they really mean is that they want the Tories to carry on as if nothing has happened –  with Bedford remaining in charge ... regardless of his lamentable leadership these past four years..

This was not the message from the ballot box as we understood it.

And whilst he started the interview by saying that Monday afternoon would be the “important” time for wheeling and dealing to begin to shape the new council and to “get things ironed out”  ... by lunchtime on Thursday, we were still none the wiser.

In the meantime – and at least two days previously – David Cameron had appointed an entire government.. from the Cabinet down to the nuts and bolts in the  minor ministries.

But then he talks a lot more quickly than Peter Bedford.

***

Amusingly, at the end of the piece, Bedford was asked for his assessment of the town’s new MP, Matt Warman.

For Bedford, the response was effusive.

“Matt is like a breath of fresh air ...” he raved.

Students of irony may well have noted how sharply the aforementioned “breath of fresh air” contrasted with the inflated old windbag making the comparison.

***

When Bedford spoke of talks with “one group, but not the other,” the inescapable conclusion was that these talks involved the “Independent” clan Austin – something which most observers would regard as a marriage made in hell .
This was confirmed late on Thursday afternoon, with the announcement of a "soft" coalition between the  Tories and their former arch enemies and founders of the Boston Bypass Independents.
The word "soft" sums it all up quite appositely.
At long last, we also had confirmation that Bedford had again ascended the Worst Street throne ... unopposed  –  another triumph for democracy.

We understand that Richard Austin will succeed his wife as Boston’s next mayor –  something we are eagerly anticipating, although we have mixed feelings about whether we can survive such a charisma offensive for another twelve months.

Much of the  blame for the pitiful state that Boston was said to be in when the Tories took power in 2011 was laid at the door of the Boston Bypass Independents –  so any decision to wheel and deal with the duo most associated with them reeks of desperation and an obsession to cling on to power at all costs.

If someone had told us a week ago that the Austins would emerge as a latter day Lone Ranger and Tonto to gallop to the rescue of the Conservatives, and be welcomed by the Tory leader Bedford to boot,  we would have collapsed laughing.
As Harold Wilson almost once said: "The weak are a long time in politics."
News of the "softies" taking over the council was accompanied by a list of new cabinet members ... and we'll look at that next week.
What will be most interesting is to see who will become the Chair of the borough Planning Committee.

***

One idea that took our fancy formed after we glimpsed a couple of adjacent headlines on the Boston Borough Council website. 

“Election results 2015” appeared alongside “Boston dance groups in exciting final.”

How exciting, we thought, if the Tories and UKIP staged a Strictly Come Dancing-style competition in which the winner gained control of the council for the coming four years.

But of course, they’d never get past the first question ... “Will you lead, or shall I ...?

***

We are told that the UKIP “defector” that we mentioned on Monday – Barrie Pierpoint  of the Old Leake and Wrangle ward –  has been “rejected” by the Conservatives with whom he apparently had a conversation ...

However, word elsewhere says that he’s been given a two months “probationary” period on the naughty step and told that good behaviour will be rewarded with a Conservative welcome.

This might prove more difficult than it sounds, as tales surrounding his spat with his original masters spoke of constant communication with another party, some less than pleasant e-mails and demands to take the helm.

A decision was taken to suspend him after the election pending a disciplinary hearing … but when told the news at the count on Friday morning, he quit his party and now calls himself Independent.

***

This prompted an angry response from an insider, who said that it would be interesting to speculate what might happen if a petition from voters in the Old Leake and Wrangle ward protested at the way they had been “duped.”

Sadly, but correctly, we fear, our correspondent concluded: “I suspect politics would triumph over decency.”

Another question concerned how other Independents felt about taking such a member on board and, if they were not keen, whether Councillor Pierpoint relished the thought of  having  no committee places as a single person “group.”

“That's how the Conservatives have treated David Owens and Carol Taylor for years.

"Privately, I would be disgusted with any group – red, blue, green or yellow – that takes such a person on board.”

***

They say that every silver lining has a cloud –  or something like that – and for us it came in the form of an e-mail from former councillor and town centre fuhrer Derek “Knocker”  Richmond, who did not seek re-election last week.

In a patronising farewell message to his former council chamber colleagues, he wrote: “I would like to thank you all for the support I have had over the last four years, as you know we took over the administration when this Council was in a very poor state and without all of your efforts it may now well be being run by another authority and so keep up the good work.

“As you know I'm not standing tomorrow but as they say, I'll be back ...”

Threats like these are the kind that a mother might make to a wayward child

... “ Keep your room tidy, or there’ll be a knock on the door from Derek Richmond …”

But we suppose that it is entirely possible that Mr Richmond is another of those looking for a return to rule via a by-election – and is trying to muster the signatures needed for his nomination even as we speak.

His reminder that Boston perhaps came close to being merged with another authority echoes what we said on Monday in our local election special issue.

The political Machiavellis in Worst Street may enjoy playing their silly games but a council as small and expensive as Boston needs to play a careful game to avoid being subsumed into another authority.

***

Interestingly, we noted that some steps in that direction are already being taken. Lincolnshire County Council Leader Martin Hill is said to be floating a plan to abolish the county’s seven district councils to save £30m.

It’s not the first time that he has mentioned this, and he has now said that reforming local government in Lincolnshire should be considered.

He said: "We have done some initial work and for example if we went for one unitary authority we would save about £30m a year.

"I'm not saying that this is the answer but we can't ignore that issue."

Today's annual meeting at County Hall will see Councillor Hill propose setting up a working group to explore the idea.

Suggestions of how the county could be run include a “doughnut style” model with a “central Lincolnshire council” surrounded by rural areas.

Whatever the result, jobs would go – particularly those of chief executives across the district councils.

Councillor Hill said: "It would be much better to work better together to save money and it would be easier for the public and receivers of services to work out."

He also said that bringing the councils together would give Lincolnshire “a better brand” – which is of course the usual tosh talked to make it sound vibrant and exciting.

What is also intriguing is Hill’s assumption that he is in a position to control the future of Lincolnshire’s districts.

Boston may not be the best, but to merge it with Lincoln would make matters worse

***

With chief executive roles potentially on the chopping block, we are reminded that Boston  Borough Council is still farting about over a successor for the job in Worst Street.

Richard Harbord became “acting” chief executive in 2009 and delivered a performance to rival that of The Mousetrap, enjoying a series of contract extensions – a number of them “final” – until he left the council at the end of November last year.

Long serving officer Phil Drury was appointed to act in his place.

What we can’t quite understand is why – given that Harbord would have been leaving in a few weeks had he not quit … his contract was last extended until 31^st July “to provide stability and oversee any changes that may occur at the next election in May 2015” – nothing has yet been done to seek a “proper” replacement.

The option for Mr Drury to continue “acting” is for up to 12 months – with the erroneous suggestion that £10,000 a month would be saved until the post was filled.

There seems now to be no reason to delay matters further.

In fact – given that there are so many inexperienced new councillors  … not all of them Ukippers … – the need for some stability among the officer structure becomes more important than ever.

***

Meanwhile, it would appear that parting has definitely been a “sweet sorrow” for Mr Harbord.

Whilst in post, his pay for 15 days work a month was around the £10,000 mark.

But according to the borough’s own figures, his pay packet from September, October and November last year totalled almost £42,000 – around £12,000 more than might have been expected.

Answers on a postcard, please.

***

Still on the matter of jobs, we note that the electronic signature of UKIP’s Mr Fixit in Boston and Skegness – Don Ransome – describes him as “Campaign Manager for Robin Hunter-Clarke, UKIP PPC for Boston and Skegness 2020.”

The boy wonder was reported last week as saying that he wasn’t going anywhere ... but we still find it hard to believe that he won't be drawn by the lure of another seat before then, rather than cooling his heels for – what for him –  will be a quarter of his future lifetime.

***

In his radio interview on Monday morning, Lord Bedford of Boston was at pains to remind us how his boys and girls in blue had delivered all their promises during the past four years.

These were, of course, sufficiently vague to be declared “delivered” in a very broad way – as are the promises designed to cover the next four years.

They comprised such things as delivering their “long term local plan” to enable the distributor road bypassing Boston to be built; to “continue” the green waste collection and “empower” local communities to combat litter and antisocial behaviour; reviewing parking charges:  to keep our streets cleaner and safer for all; working to the delivery of the Boston Barrier, and having a Cabinet meeting Question Time.

And they call those promises!

The long term local plan is now decided  by something called  South East Lincolnshire Joint Strategic Planning Committee  on which South Holland District Council and Lincolnshire County Council have a vote.

A pledge to “continue” green waste collection makes it sound as if it is under threat. What we expect is some sort of pretext to introduce annual charges – despite repeated Conservative pledges that it would remain free after the initial bin purchase.

“Empowering” local communities to combat litter means nothing more than persuading taxpayers to do the job that the council is currently charging them for but not doing properly.

As far as car parking is concerned, the promise to make them work better for “businesses, visitors, and residents of the borough” sounds impressive, but means nothing – and we note that not for the first time, the residents are at the bottom of the list.

The wishiest and washiest of the promises is that of a public question time at cabinet sessions.

Sometimes, these have lasted little more than half an hour, and comprised a list of instructions to a band of compliant ninnies to send to the full council for rubber stamping.

No doubt the time-worn idea that this is adding to “transparency” at Worst Street will be trotted out – but it will do nothing of the kind.

If the council really wants to let some light into its darker corners the most effective start would be to publish a list of how councillors vote which would tell us much more about them and their loyalties to the town.

***

Interestingly, in the world of promises, our newly elected MP – whom the voters actually did want in power – has nailed his colours firmly to the mast.

In a round robin message to voters, successful Tory candidate Matt Warman said: “I’m writing to ... pledge that over the next five years I will serve every constituent diligently and with enthusiasm.

“It is a huge privilege to be asked to serve you: I will work with councillors and colleagues in Westminster to make sure our local roads, schools and hospitals receive the investment they deserve; I will speak loudly on the profound changes, for better and worse, wrought on our constituency by changes in population over the last decade; and I will try to re-engage people in politics so that we never again face the sense of powerlessness and disillusionment I heard about on the doorstep.

“Boston and Skegness is no more a single-issue constituency than any other. We face a huge range of challenges and opportunities. Whether that is seizing the chance to further enhance the thriving tourist businesses in Skegness, building on Boston’s market, or continuing to produce the best food in the country, there is a bright future ahead.”

What we need now is to hear something similar at a local level, and things will be looking much better!

***

No sooner had we put the general election behind us than the answer to a long standing question was revealed –  how will our former estate agent and  MP Mark Simmonds make ends meet now that he's no longer at Westminster.

Well, now we know.

Simmonds has been appointed a managing director at Kroll –   “a multicultural team of leading experts from the fields of investigations, intelligence, risk analysis, cyber security, data breach response, and e-discovery committed to conducting business ethically and serving clients with independence and integrity.”

Simmonds’ job there will involve “providing strategy for cross border business intelligence and asset recovery.”

Simmonds had no official dealings with Kroll or its competitors while he was secretary of state for Africa.

But it’s interesting to note that his request for permission to pursue the job was one of a number made since he announced his resignation last year.

Job interests must be vetted by the government’s  Office of  the Advisory Committee on Business Appointments, and as well as running the job with Kroll past them, he also asked about accepting a paid appointment as Chairman of the advisory board for Invest Africa  and a part-time, paid appointment as Chief Operating Officer of the Counter Extremism Project  –  a not-for-profit, non-partisan, international policy organisation set up “to counter the extremism narrative and to shine a light on terrorist financing.”

He also  sought approval from the committee over  a paid appointment as a Strategic Advisor for FIRST –  assisting with advice and the promotion of UK trade., and a paid job as non-executive deputy chairman of the Commonwealth Enterprise and Investment Council.

Let’s hope that all these will bring in enough money to live on!

You can write to us at boston.eye@googlemail.com Your e-mails will be treated in confidence and published anonymously if requested.

Our former blog is archived at: http://bostoneyelincolnshire.blogspot.com