Wednesday, 16 March 2016

A helpful guide to how to commit environmental crime has been issued by Boston Borough Council.
If receiving your council tax demand through the letterbox isn’t bad enough, the envelope includes a double-sided graphically illustrated leaflet – apparently funded by Boston Big Local, which on this occasion is slowly frittering away the £1 million grant meant to improve Boston by increasing the amount of paper waste.
We can tell you now that scarcely anyone will sit down and read this missive from one side to the other.
It’s not the sort of thing that people take time out to peruse.
Even the writer at Boston Borough Council appeared to lose interest, as the introductory piece ends …
“Boston Borough Council has a dedicated team committed to education, enforcement and endlessly cleaning up when ….”
When what …?
Perhaps a second leaflet is presently with the printer. We can only hope.
Whilst this public information is important in its way, once again – as is so often the case – Worst Street uses a sledgehammer to crack a nut.
Charmless illustrations depict a slyly smiling beady eye self-satisfied looking man – possibly a Russian by the name of Yuri Naitur – having a pee in the street – even down to a yellow line to depict the direction of travel of the offending stream. Ill-advisedly, he is looking away whilst he takes his leak – a risky business that might result in this year’s annual environmental criminal pantomime being retitled Piss on Boots, rather than Puss in Boots.
Not so with the item concerning dog fouling, in which a clearly delighted pooch looks back at the product it has just expelled from its bowel.  Sadly, even though the illustration is well drawn, it is impossible to say whether the wavy lines above the dropping depict steam or stench.
Perhaps the dog’s name in this picture is Peter the POO-dle!
Over the page is an ever popular Wordsearch grid.
We’re sure that the kids will enjoy endless hours of fun as they scan the letters looking for “graffiti, urinating, defecating, spitting, abandoned vehicles, scruffy land, man in the van, littering fly tipping and dog fouling.”
The words “bug, gut, bat and yeti” also appear in the grid – but  are not part of the quiz, so perhaps we have nothing to fear as yet from mosquitos, helicobacter pylori, vampirism and large hairy monsters.
Rest assured that when we do, Worst Street will be the first to let us know.
A line in the leaflet tells us “Boston is no different from all other parts of the country for having to suffer these types of poor behaviour.”
Whilst that may be true, the problem is that a worthless pamphlet such as this gives the impression that we must be up there among the worst districts in the country.
And if truth be told, we probably are.

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